


fate is a lie

by mattiebluebird (ScarlettBond)



Series: Raphael Santiago saved himself [2]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Rated I for Inaccuracies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:41:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23650231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettBond/pseuds/mattiebluebird
Summary: Raphael Santiago is fifteen years old and soinnocent.
Relationships: Simon Lewis & Raphael Santiago, meant to be read as platonic but you do you
Series: Raphael Santiago saved himself [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1702666
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	fate is a lie

**I. Fate is a lie.**

(But he doesn't know this yet.)

Raphael Santiago is fifteen years old and so _innocent._

It's almost disgusting, really, now that he thinks about it; to be so full of hope and love and _life_ , to be so unwaveringly loyal that he follows his friends into the jaws of death.

(To be so _human_ , his brain supplies, an automatic thought and just. No. That is not how this works.)

Fifteen is too young to die so violently, too young to have already seen and felt and _caused_ so much pain, but fate is-

(not quite a lie, but)

- _cruel_. It stops his heart and paints his hands and teeth with blood, then ignores his pleas with cold indifference.

In the end (or the beginning; it's hard to tell with an endless cycle), he has a choice, and even _that_ is taken away from him.

**II. Fate is a lie.**

(Raphael _remembers_ , is the worst part, what it was like to be human.)

Fate or God or whoever was in charge of abominations and miracles (for they could be the same thing, sometimes) made Simon a _Daylighter_ , which seemed oddly fitting: The vampires who walked with Nephilim now able to walk in sunlight.

But again, abominations and miracles are often the same thing, so of course Raphael cannot allow it. Not because he cares ( _he accepts his death, has made his peace with the darkness_ ), but because he sees the predatory looks on his clanmates faces when they hear of him and knows: This boy will start wars. Not could; _will_ , and that is more dangerous than anything.

So he strikes a deal, or _tries_ to: If Simon leaves, simply disappears, Raphael will leave him alone. It's as fair as he can be considering the circumstances, but of course Simon declines.

(He reminds Raphael of someone, of a little boy with hope in his eyes and the name of God in his throat who was willing to follow his friends into the depths of hell itself.)

(Raphael hates him for it.)

 **III.** **Fate is a lie.**

(He does not _know_ this, not quite yet, but he is beginning to think it.)

He thinks _It doesn't have to end like this. It_ shouldn't _have to end like this!_ but he knows it does because fate is _cruel_ , it takes teenage boys and turns them into monsters, into abominations, into _weapons._ He tells Simon to look at the stars and bares his fangs and prepares to take an innocent life away from the world.

But at the last moment: The Mark of Caine. Simon smirks at him like he doesn't realize what he's done, like he doesn't know the Mark is as much a curse as it is a blessing.

 _All this for the Nephilim?_ Raphael ask, something like wonder and grudging respect in his voice, and Simon surprises him, almost, when he says, _I'm doing this for you too._

(Raphael _remembers_ and hates himself for it.)

Raphael holds up his end of the bargain because he is not a dishonorable man, and he demands something of Simon because he is not a stupid one (and because, maybe, deep down, the part of him that grows dark with envy when he sees Simon walk in sunlight also feels a savage delight in throwing him into danger; but if this is true, it is no one's business but his own).

**IV. Fate is a lie.**

( _Maybe_ , he thinks, _but who can deny that it plays a part?_ )

Raphael offers Simon a job as his bodyguard for protection, yes, but not just his own. Simon doesn't know (or at least doesn't fully realize) that the Mark upon his forehead is a weapon. All that power is in the hands of a teenager willing to throw it away on a pointless crush and Raphael tries not to get caught up in the _why_ of it.

( _Rare is not something you want to be,_ he reminds himself.)

(It doesn't make it any easier.)

Simon declines his offer yet again on the excuse of _You tried to kill me_ and it's almost _comical_ how naive he is to the reality of his situation; it makes Raphael want to scream _You are one of the most sought-after people in the Shadow World, do you not realize the power you wield, the danger you are in?_

In the end the dark part of him, the envy that grows like kudzu and chokes out everything else in icy rage, gets the better of him and he says, "There will be a line of people waiting to kill you, Lewis, and I will be at the head of it." ****

**V. Fate is a lie.**

(But consider this: we are still bound to it.)

Maybe free will is real, maybe it is useless in the end. Time is a river and all rivers flow to the sea, so of course they all end up in the same place (especially _his_ kind, it's almost poetic, they are (re)born through violence and (re)die the same way): the stopping of a heart, the tearing of a bullet, and in his case the pointy end of a dagger wielded by a frustrated child.

Raphael Santiago bleeds to death on the floor of a dirty cell and thinks: of course.

**VI. Fate is inevitable.**

(And we never realize until it's too late.)

Miles away, Simon Lewis clutches his chest and keels over, gasping.

"Are you okay?" Isabelle asks.

"Yeah," he says. "I'm fine."


End file.
